My big challenge going on at the moment is the weight loss battle. This may be familiar ground with some I’m sure, for others you are very lucky and clearly focussed on how to eat and look after yourself. I know that I’m not going to lose weight fast; I know it takes time and effort. Yes, I do want to be a size 10 overnight but that’s not realistic and above all not healthy! I realise that it has taken me 20 years to get to the size I am and it’s not going to go overnight. It’ll take months to disappear and I need to keep motivated to continue going on my weight loss journey and not lose heart when I gain. My main aim is to lose enough to not ache as much as I do now, and to eventually lose the mothers apron tummy I have. It would be nice to be able to semi-tuck a shirt into jeans rather than tuck my tummy into my jeans! I know what I need to do and how I need to do it, I just lose focus easily especially when life gets in the way and there are so many demands on me and my time.
I often feel frustrated by the expectations I have of myself and how I would like things to go. Inevitably these expectations are set too high and I end up feeling even more frustrated and miserable because I have put myself in a self-perpetuating cycle. This is something that I think many women have experienced and no matter how much of a talking we get from our closest friends or give to ourselves it will still continue. It’s the way we are programmed and partly how we see ourselves as part of society. Do we have to be superwoman all the time? No, but often we feel we should be.
I appear not to have an off button when it comes to food and I’m always hungry despite eating good healthy food. I have a huge weakness when it comes to crisps, they’re my kryptonite. Cakes and chocolate I can take them or leave them but crisps, wow, I can devour a huge pack in a single sitting! I do feel the urge every so often to eat cake but feel quite sickly afterward but I do still occasionally reach for the sweet stuff.
I joined Slimming World a few months ago after catching a glimpse of myself in a photo, this in itself is a rare occurrence more of which I will talk about another time, and I saw a very large and unattractive me trying to hide in the background under a billowing tent style dress. I just saw a tired, frumpy and fat person in the picture. I’m sure like many women I am very critical of myself. I’m fully aware that perfection doesn’t exist but that photo just made me feel I’d let myself down. I do believe that we shouldn’t do things to please others but should focus on pleasing ourselves first – this is not selfish, it’s sanity saving! However, contradictory to that I often fall into the trap of trying to please everybody even myself, which often leads to the frustration and unrealistic expectations scenario. It’s a catch 22 all over. This is another of those little challenges I will need to work on.
I have had varying degrees of success so far having taken it slowly with the aim of losing 1lb or so a week. This in reality has been very different. There have been many ups and downs and I managed to lose a stone and a half only to put on the half a stone back on in the new year. Christmas wasn’t my problem, I managed to do really well and stick to a healthy eating regime – I love veggies, and I didn’t over indulge on sweets or chocolate either. But, New Year came and I managed to get Norovirus. It wouldn’t go away and consequently despite a huge weight loss due to the sickness I have fallen off the healthy eating wagon. It’s time to get back on track. I’ll keep you updated on progress or lack of.